Designer bags on my sleepless eyes

Your hollister boxers on my thighs

Cheeks glow red- not laughter, pain

Here we are, yet again

Understanding that I did it too

Pushed your buttons just by wanting you

Same mistakes I always make

But I’d rather I’m real than plastic fake

A different time and a different place

I’d still be staring up at your face

But as it is we’re far apart

And I’ll pose in the mirror with this broken up heart

A pain at least that I’m used to

No more paranoia that comes from you

The fucked up wait just to see

If you would even notice me

I don’t hate you, I wish you well

The last few months I’ve been in hell

Waiting and hoping it’s me you’d choose

But like I said I just refuse

If choosing me is hard to do

I’m glad I walked away from you

If the future brings you closure

And it’s me you’re not quite over

Find me then and we can speak

But don’t expect me to come and seek

I’m worth more than your “don’t know”

And clearly I have to learn and grow

When the next best thing is a click away

It’s hard to convince them they should stay

When the next best thing can be found with a swipe

You can filter and focus it down to “your type”

If you’re always looking for the next adventure

You’ve always moved on before you’re together

And you let go of all of the ones that care

To find someone else with a brighter spark there

So I won’t convince you or ask you to choose

At the end of it all you’re the one who will lose

Am I perfect? No, I’m my own creation

And I’m proud of the person that is my reflection

You can go find the next best thing

Because the next best thing is what you’re missing

Then ksero

11/02/2020

I dont know why you feel it’s right,
to make me drive all through the night.
Just to wind up at your door,
So you can tell me you don’t want more.

I dont know why you think i’m just
Someone who can take your lust.
You treat me like i’m an imposition,
But you put me in this position.

I’m not sure what’s going on
Inside your head now that i’m gone.
But I guess i never knew
Why I accepted less from you.

I need the world to understand
I have one simple demand.
Treat me with respect, i’ve earned it
I won’t take less, i don’t deserve it.

Kim

04/06/2020

Now what’s the point in keeping time,

To keep on going feels like a crime.

Wait now, stop this world from turning,

Our own world now is swiftly burning.

Whoever dares say life is fair,

Come and sit, pull up a chair.

Ever since you went away,

The sun once gold now cold and grey.

Such a fixture now departed,

A new and further path now charted.

Yet through it all I still believe,

Even as we sit and grieve,

You’re still standing where you were,

In memories that never blur.

You were always our great protection,

And in your honour we’ll keep that reflection.

Gone behind are all bad days,

And in your memory our spirits raise.

As we remember who you are,

Now and forever, in our hearts.

P(r)etty

04/10/2019

All those lies roll off your tongue

Threads all gold like morning sun

And slowly turn to strings of grey

Then, strangling, choke my air away

 

And there you sit, hold court yourself

As the secrets squirm, back on the shelf

So determined you are to rule

But never the king when you’re just a fool

 

Act like no one can touch your soul

Behind that door is just a hole

Falling into something hollow

Then you say words, so easy to swallow

 

Treat yourself like a prize worth winning

Your friendship- sins not worth committing

And all the people that you know

We’re just the puppets in your show

 

 

 

Where are you now?

09/04/2017

I look upon an open view
That goes for miles and miles
And as I do I reminisce
About your tears, your smiles

Remember all the worlds you spilt
About how we’d stay together
A broken promise that you made
That you’d stay here forever

I walk these city streets alone
Remembering our past
And all I crave are answers; peace
An ending talk at last

Where are you now?
Are you looking down?
Is there another side I can’t see
One where you’re still watching me

What are you thinking?
As you’re watching me sinking
When I’m waiting for answers
To all your disasters

I sit here feeling like I’m split in two
Half just wants to move on, the other wants you
But there you went, through the one way door
Now I can’t ask you this any more

So where are you now
Or are you still here
Do you feel as low
Or did I just mishear?

Buried

03/04/2017

Moving on is hard to do. I’ve always been jealous of people who have that box in their head they can just throw their issues into and move on. People say travel light like it’s the easiest thing in the world and it’s always brought me envy to know that there are others out there who can just box off what they’ve seen, and done, and been through, and can just be themselves.

I think that sometimes you can feel issues stack up and it’s the pressure of accumulation over time that does the damage; the Chinese call it death by a thousand cuts; it’s like being pressed down into the mud by the weight of your own problems.

So it’s fortunate to know that eventually you can learn to move on from whatever your past gave you. It’s not like it’s an easy process, it’s not like it’s a fun one either. You have to face issues head on one by one and look at them in the harsh light of day, and say to yourself; this happened. It’s part of me. But it doesn’t own who I am and it doesn’t make me who I am.

I guess the point of this ramble is that everybody has good and bad and stories and problems. Every single person you meet is struggling with something; loving themselves. Abuse. Financial worries. Whatever it is I think it would be so much better if we could just learn to be a little nicer to each other. Easier said than done I suppose. But next time someone pisses you off just try and think what they could be going through behind closed doors and try to understand that.

Set it Alight

03/03/2017

I am not the the one who hurts,

hiding blood in fresh washed sheets,

i will not cause others pain

spilling tears; hot summer rain

 

I refuse to be like you

Passing pain to others too

im bigger than the holes you make

when you force in your unwanted shape

 

pushing the issues despite the claim

that you would never do it again

 

its time to strike the match and free

the light from the darkness inside of me

Every thing that makes you you, like tinder in the Fire,

watch it burn through tired eyes as darkness moves up higher,

and yet instead of sorrow, a smile creeps over you,

as you realise that now it’s time for something new,

watch the past catch eagerly as memories turn to ash,

its time to grow and time to change, just let the anger wash,

The dark that swallowed who you were starts to fall away,

its like the sunrise creeping up to bring a new born day,

so turn your face into the light and watch your old self fall,

You will prove to yourself We can stand alone after all,

Take the torch and help the burns to spread over what you were,

And stand your ground, plant your feet and say out loud ‘i’m here’,

show this world that you are all you need to be the best,

remember you have all your time to grow and afterwards, to rest.

Escaped

02/23/2017

These four walls I can call my own,

So far removed from the prison I’ve known,

A place to be who I am inside,

Full of laughter and finished with pride

 

All those things you took from me,

Like peace of mind, security,

Now I’m fighting to get them back,

I’ve found my new plan of attack

 

You broke me, down to the smallest part,

I’ll fix myself starting with my heart,

I’ll never let you hold me back down,

Fake some laughs to kill my frown

 

You did things to me no one should ever do,

One day you’ll regret; when karma hits you,

Deny or lie; you’re sly, that’s fine,

Those crimes are yours and never mine

 

Sure I’m broken but that’s okay.

My wounds will heal or scar some day,

Until then I’ll let myself see,

That every day you’re further from me.

Hello.

You probably don’t know me. I’m nobody special. I’m just like so many others out there; countless swaths of people, all of us the same. 

But today sees a world divided. Where our differences seem to have been brought to the fore and the simple fact that we’re all human beings has been lost in the shouting and screaming that seems to fill our societies now. 

I’ve seen so many posts today from Muslim people, immigrants, LGBT+ people, and hell; straight white middle aged men and women. Everyone has their reasons for being afraid today. 

For themselves.

For their families. 

For their futures.

Now is a time in our lives where we face adversity.

Now is a time where we see the ugly face under all of the paegentry that the media has glossed over.

It’s times like these where we all need to stand together.

It shouldn’t matter any more, if you’re atheist or Muslim or Christian or have black or white skin or a vagina, if you feel trapped in the wrong body or if you feel at your best dressed as the opposite sex. It just shouldn’t. 

Now is the time for everybody; every person who feels scared for themselves, or for their loved ones, to join together. Put the petty differences we’re so happy to hold up against each other aside. Stop seeing the masks the media or history hold up over our faces and see each other for what we are: human and vulnerable but most of all, stronger together.